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January 12, 2010

Parenting at older age, single & not-so-good BF

I know I shouldn't talk about people but sorry, I have to vent, this is about my older sister.
(Alison, you asked for it..hehehe)

I've come to realize that when you become a parent for the first time in your late 30's that you can be overbearing.  My sister had her child last year at 37 and she acts like she is the FIRST woman EVER to have a child.  I watched her daughter when she was about 8 mos old and mind you, Evan was like 20 mos at the time.  My niece was in her playpen, just awake from a nap.  Evan runs in and throws a baby phone in the playpen and hits her in the forehead with it by accident.  Now, you know how children can be,  I didn't exactly know what he was gonna do until it was too late for me to act.  I tried to stop it but was too late.  After that incident my sister boyfriend thought I was NOT fit to watch my niece and my sister did NOT take up for me and agreed.  I later found out through my mom about a month or so later.  I was crushed to find this out.  You know if you have other toddlers with babies, there will be incidents with bumps & bruises.  It was a big mess and they both got over it.

My sister boyfriend is the same age and is an only child.  My experience with people men that are an only child is not good.  I've met quite a few and they are usually very selfish,  and he is soooo very selfish when it comes to his time.  It's a chore for him to watch his daughter who turned one in November.  Right now the dilemna today is if he can't find someone to watch his daughter, my niece, today for him to go to the gym, he will NOT watch her tonight for my sister to go to the gym if he doesn't.  Come on, really.  He plays games.  They can pay extra to have her in the gym daycare but relies on us family to watch her and makes us feel obligated too. Today was one of those days. My sister doesn't WANT to put her in the gym daycare for stupid reasons.  I put my 6 mos old daughter in the gym daycare and had NO problems, mind you this is the same gym she is going too. I think personally, my sister should DUMP this man.  She has always had a hard time with him and the relationship has been going on for 5 years in Sept.  I believe you know if you want to marry someone for that long by now.   Personally, I believe my sister stays because she is scared to be a single mom, well hate to tell her, she is a single mom...he doesn't help at home with anything..she does it all.  He is just THERE. I'm done venting.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my sister dearly...she is one of my best friends as well as my other sis.  Her boyfriend is also a good guy but with some flaws we don't understand..

PS.  My sister has gotten better over time about being overbearing with her daughter now ;)


  1. I am sorry Heather~ There is always family drama... don't get me started on rookie moms or anything like that..... THE BOYFRIEND that can't put a ring on your sister needs to be single.. he seems to like "HIS" time! sorry for the drama... I would stay out of it. If they ask you to babysit say you have plans. Or do it, and when they pick her up make it short and sweet. Good luck!

  2. Believe me, we try to stay out of it. She sually calls us (my other sister & I) about him but here recently, she really doesn't tell us much which is GOOD. I've told her my opinion and that is all I can do and stay out of it. Don't get me wrong I love to see & watch my niece. It's the situation on how they go about it.

  3. Wow girl, all I can say is kids will be kids. Kids are tough and they NEED to be kids. I can't tell you how many times mine have hurt each other by being rough or being stupid with one another. It doesn't make you an 'unfit' parent or caregiver!! Jeez!! I bet your sis and her bf doesn't even realize how hard they make things on their family. It's really sad. Maybe one day they will grow up too and see how silly they are being! ;)

  4. Sounds like my fire hubby's schedule. 99.99% of firemen I know (including my husband and dad) work second jobs on their days off in addition to the 72 hours a week at the fire station. I believe you that he's a looser, but just saying, it's not typical for fire guys to sit around on their butts complaining on their days off.

    I hope your week is off to a good start!

    BTW- I'm an only child, but I'm not offended.
    : )

  5. We are a firefighter family too. My dad is a retiree, two cousins, and brother-in-law are firefighters.

    He does have a second job, he is a landscaper but he is in the off season right now. My other sister babysits regularly and the plan was that he have her when the off season started when he wasn't at the station so she could substitute at the school. It's a mess.

    Most of the only childs I've come across where men.

    Morgan, you are not at all selfish from what I gather reading your blog. You're always willing to help others with your post. Looks like you are making up with the brood you have...btw, how are you feeling?? When is the due date??

  6. All first parents are a little weird. And every first baby is the "only" baby in the world. . . . That's why we had our second so quick. So the first would get the hint that life is full of hard knocks quick! LOL.

  7. LOL, your sister and her bf needs to spend a day in my shoes, a 9 year boy starting pubertity and ADD, a 7 year old boy who tells me no all of the time, a 5 year old boy who gets mad easily, boy/girl twins that are TWO and a 6 month old baby LOL It would make them more appriecaiteive(sp?) that they only have ONE child!

  8. I agree with Alison: all 1st time parents are weird, regardless of age. I had my one and only baby 3 weeks shy of my 42nd birthday, after 2 miscarriages. I am blessed.
    No one ever thinks they themselves are weird... but everyone else is! LOL!

    BTW, you are absolutely right that he doesn't want to marry her, and you are absolutely right that she already IS a single parent.

  9. Yikes.... sorry you're having to deal with that drama Heather. Sounds like your sisters boyfriend does not want to commit, or want to do his fair share. Which to me is quite sad.
    No matter how much you watch over kids or are observant when they're in your care, things happen. They should understand that. It's too bad because they are missing out on sad. Sounds like they need to make some changes....hopefully for the better. I hope tihs situation gets better....

  10. I don't remember where I found your blog...but I have enjoyed reading it!

    I'm not a big on on replying well. Maybe I'll go back into hiding after this.

    I don't know you or your sister. So I don't know how much she complains, etc. First time parenting, sigh. Do you remember those days? I read all those books, and get your own vibe, I think all of us have come across as overbearing at one time or another. But to agree with someone, she had to have felt the same well, it makes it tough. She may be a wonderful sibling, but it sounds like she complains about you as much as anyone else.

    As for liking her boyfriend, we are teaching our kids just because someone is a family member (aunts, uncles, cousins) you don't have to like them...but respect them, definitely. We can never say how someone else's life is really going, can we? I think it all comes down to how we talk about others. Maybe her boyfriend is pretty great most of the time, but she vents to you about him, don't we all about her spouses, boyfriends, others? But I think we taint our families relationships with those we love by doing it.

    You are in that proverbial rock and hard place. One thing for sure, I would never babysit for the boyfriend. He has made his views clear on your parenting, and it seems maybe they are both terrified of anyone coming in contact with their baby unless they decide they get something out of it. Time to make them grow up...and not be so readily available?

    Hope it goes well and that if you sister is suffering in the relationship...she realizes it before it becomes harder in the long run.

  11. I have to agree totally with you QuietFeathers ;) Luckily she isn't telling us much anymore because of that reason of tainting. With the whole incident on me babysitting, they are completely over it and agreed they were overbearing about it. So no problems there. WE ALL HAVE FLAWS people may not like but doesn't matter what they think, it's how you feel about yourself. Good or bad.

  12. I must have been A Too Relaxed First Time mom at a young age (23 years old) because I was never overbearing like that. I promise you that.